tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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