I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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