They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
