Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
