Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
