I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
