you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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