I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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