After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
