Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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