i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
