i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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