I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
