i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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