I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
