Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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