Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
