I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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