ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
