i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
