I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
