You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
