I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize