Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
