i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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