I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
