There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
