just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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