You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
