I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
