I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
