Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
