Fuck appropriateness.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
