You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
