i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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