we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
