P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
