Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
