my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
