Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my shit smells like andre
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
