dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
