I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
