i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
