we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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