YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize