woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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