I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
