i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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