i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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