Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize