Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
