do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
