It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
