If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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