i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
