She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
