I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Panties = found
Randomize
