i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
