so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Success! We fucked roommates!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
