I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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