He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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