you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
