Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
