Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
