I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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