He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
