i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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