We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
did you just send me my own nude
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
