god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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