no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
