How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
