Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I skipped work to stalk him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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