Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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