how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
